For the month of February, I have been doing a self-guided study on love. I have been questioning do I even know what love really is. What does “true love” look like, feel like??? Have I ever really experienced “true” love? So before this month ends, let me enlighten you on my findings.
I realized that so many times in my life, I thought I was experiencing love, when it was actually companionship. I mistook the feelings, the thoughts, and the emotions for love. I was only enjoying the companionship they brought to my life. I thought I couldn’t go on without them by my side because of love. When in reality, it was because I enjoyed their company that I desired for them to stay. They brought laughter and joy to my world. I didn’t want that removed and my existence to be “boring” or changed. Truth is, even the butterflies I thought I felt whenever they came around wasn’t love either. When the rubber met the road, I was quick to dismiss them from my life. Why?!? Because it was never really love…
Love isn’t something that dissipates overnight or even appears overnight. Love is something that takes time to grow. Love evolves. Love holds on against all odds. Love keeps going when all else fails. Love isn’t measured by the time you spend together or the length of time you’ve been involved with each other. You can spend zero time together and love each other more than those who are constantly around one another. You can be together two weeks and share more love than someone who’s been together for years.
Want to know if what you are experiencing is really love??? Test it!! See if it can hold up against the true definition of love found in 1 Cor. 13:4-8.
– Love is patient. Can you be patient with the person that you consider yourself to love? No matter what their issue is, can you stand by their side while they work through it? Can you withstand the test of disappointments with them, when they slide backwards instead of progressing toward overcoming the issue? Can you wait while they determine within themselves if what they feel for you is really love? Can you be patient while they determine the course of their life? Can you be patient while they mature? It’s often said that men mature slower than women. So while he is maturing, are you willing to wait? Can you be patient when “they just don’t get it”? Can you be patient when they don’t appreciate you or take you for granted?
– Love is kind, doesn’t brag, and isn’t proud. Can you gladly put your self-pride on the shelf for the sake of your “love”? Can you be kind, when you really want to repay them with revenge? Can you be kind, even when the other person isn’t? Can you not name what you’ve done for the sake of the relationship or what you have had to give up?
– Love doesn’t dishonor others, look out for itself, or easily become angry. Can you be respectful even when you are being disrespected? Can you remain peaceful when you are really boiling on the inside? Can you put your self-interests to the back burner to look out for the best of the relationship?
– Love doesn’t keep track of others wrongs. Can you put the past and wrongs of the other party in the sea of forgetfulness (to NEVER be brought up again)? Can you forgive and forget? Can you let bygones be bygones?
– Love is joyful when the truth is spoken. Can you always speak the truth? Can you handle the truth being spoken, even when it’s uncomfortable? Sometimes the truth hurts, but that doesn’t change it from being the truth.
– Love always trusts and protects. Love trusts in every situation, even after having its trust abused. Love protects others. Do you protect your significant other? Can you protect them from you? Can you protect them from your words, your actions, or your judgment?
– Love never gives up and never fails. Are you quick to give up? Are you quick to throw in the towel and walk away? Did you truly exhaust every avenue before letting go?
– Also, I will add in love is an action. Actions can be expressed. Can you express your love? Not just in words by saying it, but can you prove through your actions that you love your significant other?
After studying on love, I realized that so many times, I stayed in relationships based on companionship. I moved forward with time spent in relationships for the comfort of their presence. I enjoyed being around them. I enjoyed their laughter, their jokes, their smile, their looks, etc. However, when I look back at the situations, it wasn’t love. I was so blinded by the satisfaction of their presence, that I accepted a façade of love. I continued on thinking that the love would grow deeper for each other. Truth is, it couldn’t grow, because it wasn’t there in the first place. I held on to a lie. This would be why when things got rough; it was easy for me to walk away.
Real love holds on even when it can’t see what is there to hold on to. Real love believes the best is still yet to come. Real love is forgiving time after time, even when it feels like a fool for forgiving again. Real love goes against all odds for the sake of love. Real love doesn’t care what outsiders have to say about the love, because they know what they feel. It doesn’t make sense to anyone else, but the love makes sense to them. No one else can tell you what you feel on the inside. Sometimes you can’t even tell yourself what you feel or make sense of what you feel. No one else can determine if what you feel is love or not. This is something you have to figure out for yourself.
Companionship isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We all need companions in our lives. Also, just because it is companionship now doesn’t mean that it won’t one day transition to being love. The problem occurs when the companionship is confused with love. Both parties need to honestly self-evaluate and determine if their relationship is truly love or only companionship. Once the answer is discovered, be truthful with one another and proceed with an understanding.
I now realize what love is and know how to recognize the difference between love and companionship. I am determined even more so to continue on to my next love.
P.S. Love and companionship is not limited to relationships between couples. This applies to friendships, as well as relationships between family members
msthangmsguidedmind 