Forgiveness 101

I’ve realized that one of the hardest things for me to do is to forgive someone. Especially someone who has hurt me deep or hurt me multiple times. I found out that sometimes when you think you’ve forgiven them, you unexpectedly find out that you haven’t. Want to know if you’ve totally forgiven someone or a situation, then start seriously talking about it. If you can complete a conversation with no emotions, then you’ve successfully forgiven the person or situation.

There’s this quote that is highly enlightening, yet I hate it. “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got” (Robert Brault). I hate it, because it’s hard enough accepting an apology that you did get. Now I have to accept you that I never got or never will get!!! It’s frustrating because “sorry” doesn’t fix anything. The words “I’m sorry” don’t erase the hurt, pain, or any other emotion I was caused. And it surely doesn’t make you forget what was done to me.

However, in order for me to practice forgiveness, I wrote myself an apology letter that I would have wanted written to me. It’s amazing how freeing this actually was. I attributed the words to those that hurt me and spoke the words on their behalf.

Here’s a copy of my letter:

Dear Tiffany,

Let me start off by saying that I apologize for everything that ever made you do anything other than smile, feel joy, or maintain a parameter of peace. I apologize for causing you to feel like you weren’t enough. I never meant to make you question your worth. I was foolish for taking the blessing that God entrusted me with for granted. Your heart, your time, your beauty, and your love is a precious gift that God placed in my life. Not only did I take it for granted with you, but I took it for granted with Him. He created me to be a strong foundation and the minute I betrayed you, I shattered my own foundation. I allowed myself to no longer be a strong structure. I apologize for the mistakes and the error of my judgment, I now realize that I should have had all of those mistakes out of my system, before you entered my life. I apologize for all these errors; however in honesty, I have to say that I don’t regret them. I have realized that these errors have made me a better man and a better Christian. If not for these errors, I would not have realized that this was still in me. I am better for having made them at this point in my life, versus later on down the road, when it would have even more detrimental to our lives. I needed to confront some lingering parts of my past and had I not made these mistakes, I would not have matured or grown to the point I am now.

I thank you for being the best part of me. I look into your eyes and I see the beauty of Christ. I now know what it means to look into someone’s eyes and see a glimpse of Heaven. I now know what it means to love like God loves. God gave his most precious gift of His only son to be brutally murdered for everyone. That is how much He loved everyone. I now realize that as much as it pains me to be apart from you, I have to allow you to work out all in this in your heart and mind, just as God has to watch us until we reach that point of wanting to totally live our lives for Him. I can only pray to God above that you totally forgive me and throw my indiscretions into a sea of forgetfulness. Please know that if I’m ever blessed the opportunity to have you back in my life that with every breath in my body, I will make it up to you and see that I give my all to be devoted to you. I will never make you question your worth. I will be sure to remind that you are more than enough for me. I will be sure to remind you that you are a beautiful gift that I know was Heaven sent.

Ultimately, I realize that this will be a healing process with you. I know God is the ultimate healer, so I pray that He intervenes and heals you of the deep hurt that I have caused you. I know that healing takes time and I continue to pray daily that you will forgive me, just as God has. I humble myself before God and before you to say I am more than sorry and I repent before you and God of my transgressions.

I now no longer have any animosity towards them and I’ve completed Forgiveness 101 towards them. Now moving on to upper level courses in forgiveness is a different story….

I encourage you to write yourself your own letter of forgiveness. Let go and don’t let the lack of forgiveness to cause bitterness to take root in your life. They’re not worth it and life is to precious for you to waste another moment dwelling in the pain, hurt, betrayal, etc.