Yes, I meant what I just said! I don’t want to fall in love!!! Falling hurts. People don’t fall intentionally (well, in some cases they do). I am the clumsiest person I know, besides my kids (who inherited their clumsiness from me). Falling is embarrassing. People are secretly recording you. They laugh at you, they point at you, and they put you on social media websites. They bring it up years later, still laughing. They ask you stupid questions, like how in the world did you fall like that. That is the same picture I envision when someone says that they “fell” in love.
The next time that I am in love with someone, I want it to be on purpose. I don’t want to accidentally awaken deep in love with that person. I want to intentionally be in love with them. I want to BE in love the next go around. “Be”ing in love means to me that I transitioned to another state within myself and beyond myself.
Just like when I first got pregnant, I purposed in my mind to “BE” a mother. I did everything within me to prepare to “be” the best mother I possibly could. I didn’t wait until my son was actually in my arms to prepare my mind to transition to thinking about someone other than myself. I can remember the day I mentally became a mother, which was long before he was actually born. After my son was born and my daughters came along, I became even more of a mother. No matter how rough the days of motherhood may get, I never give up on being a mother. I would NEVER abandon my children and I will NEVER stop loving them. There isn’t anything that they could do that will cause my heart to undo what I feel for them. The same way that I desire to always put my children’s needs before mine, with my next love, I want to put “our” love before my selfish desires.
I want our love to become me. I want love to win in every circumstance and situation. I want to choose our love, over every alternative! No matter how rough the road may get, how cloudy the storm may be, and no matter the situation, I want to remember that I purposely became in love with that man. I will choose to remember that I didn’t awaken in love accidentally. I didn’t trip into love with him and I’ll be able to say it was no coincidence that I’m in love with him. I will be able to remember the moment I looked in his eyes and chose to be in love with him. It may just be wishful thinking, but hey it doesn’t hurt to speak what I want. The tongue is a powerful weapon.
**Don’t get it twisted, I am in no rush to “BE” in love. I need time to mentally prepare myself for that type of love. For now, I am fine just being in love with myself and my 4 chambers**
msthangmsguidedmind 